One Month Old

Today Thora is one month old.

I can't believe how much our lives have changed in one month. Who would have thought I could be so maternal, and have my life change so drastically on a dime?

Last night we were watching Charlotte's Web. I was reading the book to Thora while she nursed and Johnny had never read it before so we read it as a family. I usually hate to see the movies of books I love but this one was pretty good, except for the blaring music coming from next door which made it almost impossible to hear. It was 12:30 am so I gathered my sleepy Thora in my arms and went next door. I rang the bell and banged on the door to no avail. The music was so loud he couldn't even hear the door! Johnny came over and put his finger on the bell and left it there until I yanked it off, and the guy came, high as a kite, to the door. I explained very politely that his music was very loud and that we had a new baby, and he apologized and actually turned the music off. I was shocked that a) I had the cojones to ring someone's doorbell at almost 1 am and that b) I didn't get into a fight and c) he actually did it.

A note about our movie choices. We actually also had a horror movie that we got from Netflix about a month ago - The Last House on the Left. We picked it enthusiastically but when we finally got around to making time for it, we returned it without watching it. We're both horror movie fans but the whole premise of this movie is two young girls being raped and tortured in an abandoned house. When we re-read the blurb on the DVD case, we both agreed we had no interest in watching that. This changed instantly when we became parents of a little girl. Like how Johnny lost interest in riding a motorcyle and I realized I would never ever be a part of the disaster response team at work, that I would never go to Haiti or any other site of a disaster.

Yesterday at the hair salon, Robert said: "Let me give you a piece of advice. When you have a son, you only have to worry about one penis. When you have a daughter, you have to worry about every single penis in the neighborhood." Aaaagh. We'd been joking that we won't let Thora date until she's 30, but that really jarred me and made me realize it's not such a joke.

What other ways have I changed? I nurse anywhere and everywhere, when I used to think that was weird. I really don't care. I know other people do but it's not like I'm exposing myself, I am merely feeding my child like any other female mammal. I feel like I should be able to take her wherever I go and change her or feed her as I need to, when not that long ago it might have annoyed me that other parents were that presumptuous. Everything takes me longer now because of her but I am not a bundle of nerves rushing around. Now I get there when I get there. I remember being annoyed by other people who were always late or canceling because of their babies... and now I am one of them!

I am also one of the people who no longer has the time for their critters the way they once did. I really never thought I would be one of those people. But I am. I still feel guilty about Lucy but I know it's the right decision. The cats will be okay, I think. Amazing that I have dedicated my entire professional life to animals and now that I have a child I really do not see them in quite the same way. Of course I will be vegan forever and am still as passionate about my work, but I remember that a year ago someone asked me, if your dog and someone else's baby were on a lifeboat and you could only save one, what would you do? I had a really hard time answering that question. I really wasn't sure. I felt that my dog was as important as someone else's human baby. Not anymore (sorry, Henry). I hate myself a little bit for this change, but I would honestly - no joke - throw myself into an oncoming train if it meant protecting Thora, so I guess it's not all that bad. It's all biology and hormones, I suppose.

Thora has changed so much in the last month too. She has put on a ton of weight. She has thighs and chunky upper arms and a double chin. She even has a freckle! I found it yesterday. She smiles now, and looks around. She tries to touch things like her Jacques the Peacock and I can see her processing things a little more than before, trying to figure out what they are. She loves to dance with her daddy and loves to hear her mama read or sing to her. She makes actual baby noises now - sighs, gurgles, cooing noises, and also farts and burps. They are so cute and innocent, all of her sounds. When she has bad gas, she cries and her lower lip quivers and turns down and my heart just melts. I would do anything to make her feel better in moments like that, but all I can really do is joke about "no tomatoes!" and hold her and sing to her and rub her belly and cycle her legs and hope that it passes. Gripe water only helps sometimes and Mylicon doesn't work unless you use it at every single feeding (or so I've read) and I don't want to do that. So we wait. Last night was better than the night before, and she's sleeping now. She's a good, good kid. I am a lucky mama.